Grief:  The Universal Human Experience

by Lori Kayser, created with her head and heart, no AI

“All change includes loss; all loss includes grief.”  ~Neil Stroud

The two of us sat on the comfy leather chairs in the quiet room at Team Tony reflecting on Babette’s beautiful life and on the knowing, accepting and surrendering to her impending death from ovarian cancer. Her calm, peaceful presence was remarkable, possibly because she had faced and survived glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer, eight years earlier.

“Lori,” she said in a resolute tone, “even a rose will wilt and die eventually.”

To bear witness with a person in the dying process is a deep honor. It’s a sacred invitation to join them as their final chapter is written.

I’ve been intrigued with death since I was a child. Cliff, my older brother, would put me in our Radio Flyer Red Wagon and chauffer me to the nursing home around the corner from our home so I could sing, dance and play piano for the “old people” as they faced their final days. I loved to see them smile, clap their hands, and feel joy which radiated from their tapping feet. I learned about death and therefore, grief, when my elderly friends were no longer there on future visits.

Let’s talk about grief. We live in, with and through grief on a daily basis and yet, few people talk about it. Grief is a universal human experience. If you experience change, you experience loss. If you experience loss, you experience grief. This article is the first in a series about the complexities of grief.

The grief series acknowledges, informs and supports our Team Tony community about the experience of grief and how grief can create learning, growth and meaning in our lives. The articles will include real stories from my life, Tony’s life, and those we serve. The topics covered will be the following:

• What is grief?
• How does grief show up in our lives?
• How do we show up for others in their grief?
• How do we honor the learning in the grief process?
• Does grief ever end?

And, more…

I’ve learned about the art and science of grief through my personal experiences, the experiences of others, reading every book I can about grief and through attaining my Certified Grief Educator.

Facing cancer, supporting others facing cancer and supporting caregivers has created an intimate bond with grief. I better understand what can be the beauty of grief and how we can learn, grow, and talk about it so we can appreciate its gifts and transmute the pain and suffering into something more meaningful.

Defining Grief – What is Grief?

Grief is a feeling that comes after loss. It can accompany any event that disrupts or challenges our sense of normalcy.

Examples of life events that create grief

A cancer diagnosis, the death of a loved one, caring for a loved one with cancer or another disease, the end of a relationship/s, losing one’s capacities and faculties, a job loss, a child leaves for college, a pet’s death, losing your home to a natural disaster, a change in responsibilities at home or work, moving, the end of cancer treatment, a promotion at work (loss of connections) – any anticipated, unanticipated or uncontrollable change that alters your life as you planned.

Remember…

“All change includes loss; all loss includes grief.”  ~Neil Stroud

Babette died on Monday, August 25, 2025. Rob, her devoted partner of 25 years described the loss as a “gaping hole in my chest”. This is grief.

Thank you to Rob for allowing us to share his and Babette’s story.

Melancholy (the photo pictured above) is a sculpture created by Albert Gyorgy portraying the grief he experienced from the death of his wife. Rob’s description of Babette’s death as a “gaping hole in my chest” is an expression shared by so many who have lost a loved one.

In the next grief article, the conversation will cover the types of grief and how grief shows up in our lives and how we can better cope, manage and understand its impact.

If you have questions or comments, please reach out to me via email at lori@teamtony.org.